Wish That I Was On Old Rocky Top…

In October God created football. Now the conferences were formless, and empty darkness was over the fields, but the Spirit of God was hovering over Knoxville.

And God said, “Let there be light”, and Neyland Stadium sprang into being. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “Volunteers” and the darkness he called “Gators.” And there were Volunteers and Gators–the first rivalry

And God said, “Let there be a conference between the states to separate team from team.” So God made the conference and separated the schools. And it was so. God called the conference the “SEC.”

And God said, “Let the fans under the sky be gathered to one place, and let orange ground appear.” And it was so. God called the dry ground Shield-Watkins field, and gathered holy water around it and called it the Tennessee River. And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, “Let the field produce legends: seed-bearing legends on the field that is marked with orange and white, according to their various kinds. And it was so. The field produced many legends, according to their various kinds. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning–the third day.

And God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of sky to separate the winners from the losers, and let them serve as signs to mark the touchdowns of the mighty Vols. And it was so. God sent fireworks to celebrate the scores of the Vols. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning–the fourth day.
And God said “Let the conference teem with living mascots, and let them travel across the expanse of the South.” So God created the great mascots of the SEC and every living thing the fans consider holy. And God saw that it was good.

God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the sporting world, and let the fans increase on earth.” And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning–the fifth day.
Then God created Vols in his own image, in the image of God he created them; offense and defense, he created them.
God blessed them and said to them,”Be fruitful and increase in number; take over the conference and subdue them. Rule over the Dawgs of Georgia, and the Gators of Florida, the Hogs of Arkansas, the Elephants of Alabama, the Gamecocks of South Carolina, the Wildcats of Kentucky, and all the other creatures that roam the SEC.
Then God said, I give you every lineman on the whole earth and every running back that has legs with speed in them. They will be yours for victory. And it was so.
God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning–the sixth day.
Thus the SEC and the Vols were completed in all their vast array.
By the seventh day, God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he watched football. And God blessed Saturdays in the South and made them holy because it was with them that He rested.
When the Lord God made the stadiums and the fields–and no marching band had yet appeared and there were no quarterbacks to call the plays, orange seeped up from the earth and nourished the whole ground–the Lord God formed players from the dust of the field and breathed into their nostrils the breath of mountain air and the men became Vols.
Now the Lord God had planted a field in the east, in Knoxville; and there he put the men he had formed. And the Lord God made all kinds of fans that grew out of the land–fans that were pleasing to the eye and good for cheering…
The Lord God took the men and put them on the field in Knoxville to work it and win on it. And the Lord God said, “It is not good for the team to be without a defensive back. I will make a player suitable for them…”
(Hey Coach- I do believe that’s your boy Tebow under there- wonder what word he’s bringing now?)
Then the Lord God made Eric Berry and he brought him to the team.
Lane Kiffen said,
“He will now crush bone upon bone; and tear flesh after flesh; he shall be called #14, for he is Eric Berry.”

For this reason a Gator will return to his swamp and a Dawg to his house and they will enter defeated, for they will be victims of one man.” http://www.berry4heisman.com/See y’all!

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2 Comments on Wish That I Was On Old Rocky Top…

  1. leslie ruth
    August 3, 2009 at 9:03 pm (8 years ago)

    OH. MY. WORD. Did you write all this yourself?! Genius. Sheer genius. I cannot WAIT to show it to Jason. He’ll be beside himself with glee 🙂

  2. Melissa
    August 4, 2009 at 7:59 am (8 years ago)

    I thought we were crazy college football fans in Texas but after living in Nashville, I realized that we are way sane compared to ya’ll’s outlandishnessish. 🙂 Love it.


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