Saturday in the South

So y’all know we love football in the South. It’s true; it’s the golden calf of the modern age.

I cannot think of anything better than a crisp, bright Saturday spent in Neyland Stadium with 107,000 fellow crusaders all waiting to see who will come forth victorious.

And, the great thing about SEC football is this: no matter what school you attend- you’ve got some good old-fashioned football traditions.


And y’all- down here we hang our hat on tradition and religion.

We just do.

So, in an effort to try to explain the obsession I thought I’d post part of an e-mail I received today on SEC football.

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints.
Women’s Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary – that’s what dates are for.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers:NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:NORTH: Statues of founding fathers
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners

Homecoming Queen:NORTH: Also a physics major
SOUTH: Also Miss America

Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Archie, Peyton & Eli Manning

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting list for tickets.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting “Game Day Live” to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why “Game Day Live” is never Broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band, who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask “Where’s the stadium?” When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you’re near it, you’ll hear it.. On game day it is the state’s third largest city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team’s mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:NORTH: The stadium is empty long before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week’s game.

Yep- that about says it all- it is a glorious thing.

See y’all!

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3 Comments on Saturday in the South

  1. Brittany Ann
    October 8, 2009 at 3:35 pm (8 years ago)

    LOL! So, so, so true! I couldn’t have said it better myself!

    Reply
  2. Lynda @ SportsMadGirl
    October 9, 2009 at 1:21 pm (8 years ago)

    That is SO true! There is NOTHING like football in the South.

    Nothing better than a HS football game on Friday night and a good ‘ol SEC game on Saturday!

    GO DAWGS!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

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