Random and Possibly Inappropriate

Well, I’ve given up on football.  It’s okay, I’m fine with it.  Come February when everyone is talking about what they’re giving up for Lent, I’ll remind you- I gave up football in October.

I’m from the South.  That’s sacrifice.

And I’ve been trying to learn long division.  AGAIN.  Turns out- you actually do use all that math you learn in school…when your kids have to learn it.

I’ve also been cooking.  Tonight I made fajitas, and I bought some high fiber tortillas.  Each one of those babies had 20 grams of fiber in it.  Coach was giddy; he’s a science guy.  He loves to talk about chemical reactions and soluble fiber and colons and such.

However, I’m fairly certain you don’t want me to start talking about colon function or soluble fiber.
But I will tell you this-  I’m more conservative with my fiber intake than Coach; my colon is temperamental.  I ate one tortilla. 

G had four.

Now, I know I was griping about math earlier, but this is a pretty simple problem. 

20 grams of fiber x 4 tortillas = a loud and unpalatable anatomy experiment.

Not since that child was 15 months old and he projectile vomited on a complete stranger in the Denver airport have I been more repulsed and amazed at his body adventures.

At a particularly odorous point AC added that she did not eat anything with fiber in it, and therefore does not share in G’s gaseous plight.

Yeah right.  AC has a habit of making outrageous nutritious claims.  It’s kind of like the time my brother convinced my sister-in-law that he was allergic to rice…and Beef Stroganoff. 

SIL called Bull Malarky on that one really fast.  We did warn her though, my brother has been known to  projectile vomit when he eats foods he finds unpleasing.

Just ask my mom.

Let’s just say there was an unfortunate lima bean incident in 1983 which left her sobbing and scrubbing wallpaper.  He threw down the gauntlet when he barfed on the new Waverly wallpaper.  And to everyone’s surprise- she relented.

And honestly, I’ve never been so thankful for his culinary dramatics in all my life.  I hated those stinkin’ lima beans.  You have absolutely no idea how long it takes to swallow lima beans whole…one by one.

Oh yeah- I have a brother.  He’s the baby.  He looks like this…

Except he is taller and has gray hair.  I would like to state, for the record, that I still do not.  I attribute it to my healthy love of Beef Stroganoff.  Actually, the little guy above is Brother’s second boy.  He reminds me of Lightning McQueen- the boy, not the brother.
Baby Brother is the cool, athletic one.  He’s cat-like, always landing on his feet and always really cool. He contracted LL Bean Syndrome after college and moved to Colorado.  He camped and kayaked and had two really cool Malamutes.  He learned to ski, and he doesn’t look like a dork in outdoor clothing.   
 I’m more like an Irish Setter- running into walls and barking at blades of grass. And I look like a dork in outdoor clothing.  But I digress.
The reason I don’t talk about him much is because…
he has four kids.  Four kids who are five years apart.  SIL was pregnant for almost 5 straight years.  They’ve been changing diapers for eight years.  They are…busy.
But I could tell some stories.  Oh yes I could.
And so could he.
See y’all!

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1 Comment on Random and Possibly Inappropriate

  1. Tyla
    October 12, 2010 at 1:33 pm (7 years ago)

    Oooh! I don’t know which scares me more…the thought of eating 4 fajitas or having 4 babies within 5 years. lol

    I enjoyed your post.

    Reply

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