Problems in the Kitchen

Weight Watchers week #3 and I’m down again! Praise God. I’ve lost weight every week, gone to the meetings every week, and I’ve lost a total of 5 pounds. Small yes, especially when you sidle it up to Coach’s 12 pounds, but considering I’ve managed to do it without taking a life, and fitting in macaroni and cheese, mexican food twice in one weekend, and ice cream- I’m good with my five pounds.

So tonight we talked about managing the kitchen and John, our fearless leader, told us the best way to manage our kitchens was to Recognize, Remove, and Replace.

Which is not bad advice all the way around.

I’ve been “off” for a bit now, and the last three weeks have had me involved in the middle of a drama that would rival Days of Our Lives on its best day.

And I don’t like drama.

AT. ALL.

I like to face the problem; quickly come up with a solution; and HANDLE THE THING.

MY WAY.

I also don’t like being told what to do or how things “will be.” Especially when I know I’m right, which incidentally, is all of the time. Don’t believe me? Ask Coach, he’ll tell you, I’m never wrong.

It’s what makes me so endearing and easy to be around.

Anyway, let’s just say this. There was drama. Lots of it. I cried…at work…in front of a man…and let me remind you, I’m not a cryer. I only cry when I get really, really mad.

And I was mad, and so was said man, and honestly, I think we both left that meeting with a little more respect for each other, or maybe he just left totally freaked out that I cried. Who really knows?

So, you’ll have to excuse me, I’ve been involved in my own personal hissy fit for the last few days.

And I’m Recognizing that now. I have Removed all the nonsense from my life.

And now I’m Replacing it with some silly anecdotes from the last few days.

Because, in Weight Watcher John’s words- “it’s time to manage the kitchen.”

So here you go- maybe it will get you out of your own personal hissy fit as well.

1. AC has to memorize the Oath of Office of the President. She recited it to me. It took 15 seconds and is literally 2 lines long. I said, “Wow, that’s it? It’s short.”

And AC replied “I know. The Girl Scout Pledge is way harder than that.”

Me: “You’re right. You’d think the leader of the free world would have to memorize a little more than that.”

AC: “Yeah, being a Girl Scout is way WAY harder than being President.”

Me: “You think?”

AC: “Duh. The President doesn’t have to sell Girl Scout Cookies and do research on India.”

Explains a lot, don’t you think?

2. In class today, a senior asked me if Endometriosis would be considered an anatomical disease.

I replied, “Yes, it is a serious condition that causes terrible cramping, heavy bleeding during the menstrual cycle, and it causes a build up of scar tissue that can cause fertility issues.”

To which a boy in the class replied, “Dang Mrs. K, why don’t you just be blunt. What would you do if I asked you if Jock Itch was an anatomical disease?”

So I said, “I would tell you yes, it is also a disease of sorts. It is a fungus that one tends to get when skin is left moist and warm for extended periods of time which provides the optimal conditions for a fungus to grow. It can cause uncomfortable itching and has to be treated with an anti-fungal spray or cream.”

To which he said, “Now you’re just being gross like my mom. Why do moms just say crap like that with no warning or anything? You just say it like you’re asking me what I want for lunch.”

To which I said, “Except if I were your mom I wouldn’t ask you what you wanted for lunch. You’d get what you get and you wouldn’t throw a fit.”

And finally, he said, “Geez, what would happen if we asked you about STD’s or reproduction?”

And all I had to say was, “Do you really want me to answer that question?”

And he said, “No ma’am.”

Good boy.

Which is sort of funny because when we went to WW tonight, there was a woman who was accusing her absent husband of sabotaging her diet by bringing home chocolate scones and peanut butter bars.

John suggested she talk to him about it, and tell him how she feels.

She replied that she had done that many times, but her husband was mad because along with her weight, she also lost her boobs.

And I have to say, I was uncomfortable and struck temporarily mute.

But I’m over it now.

See y’all!

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3 Comments on Problems in the Kitchen

  1. B-Dub
    February 24, 2010 at 11:06 am (8 years ago)

    Thats what happens to me! Any weight I lose goes straight from my boobs. By the time I can actually shrink my booty I generally regress to a negative A. Its really, really, really sad.

    And how funny is it that the student wanted a “warning” before you answered his question! Hysterical!

    Reply
  2. janetgwinn
    February 24, 2010 at 4:56 pm (8 years ago)

    Hope your drama is not B related and if so I hope it gets resolved the way it should have a long, long time ago! Keep your chin up and cry anytime you feel like it!!Love you and call anytime you like!!

    Reply
  3. Leslie Ruth Petree
    February 24, 2010 at 8:53 pm (8 years ago)

    OMG, this is the funniest post you’ve ever written.

    Well.

    At least since I started reading 🙂

    Reply

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