Morning Talk Show

Mornings are not usually our best time.

Let’s just leave it at that.

This morning things started off better than normal, G has a cold and is too weary to fight after having a soccer game and a million hours of homework last night.

AC, who hits the floor talking at the speed of light, started as she always does- we played 1000 questions while I was in the shower, she travelled the house and methodically destroyed every room she entered, burned some oatmeal, and then finally relented and got in the car.

And then she opened up her Bible.

She’s been going to Students in Touch, a prayer group that meets every Wednesday morning and prays for fellow students, families, and the school. This past Wednesday the teacher that leads them was teaching them about praying scripture over people. Then she told them to look in their Bibles for a passage of scripture that they could pray over someone.

Apparently AC has taken this task very seriously because she’s been searching. This morning she read the passage she wants to pray:

“How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter!
Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman’s hands.
Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies.
Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.
Your neck is like an ivory tower.

Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim.
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.
Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel.
Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.”
May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples,
and your mouth like the best wine.”

That my friends, would be the seventh chapter of the Song of Solomon. And she read it with more gusto than a cheerleader on Homecoming.

I cannot begin to describe the look on G’s face. Priceless. And all he could say was, “Seriously?” And try as he might, a great big ole grin spread across his face.

Why did she pick this particular passage? Because she likes shoes, fruit, and climbing trees. My my my, all I can say is this: watch your children because my child just prayed that someone will take hold of your child’s fruit.

It might be time for The Talk.

Then I asked G about the standardized testing they’ve been doing at school. He said it’s all easy except for the Quantitative Reasoning sections. I asked him what kinds of questions he was being asked. His reply?

“It’s like math, but with words and numbers, and you have to think about it, you can’t just figure it out.”

Huh. That has been my experience with the entirety of the mathematical world. Which is why I have denied the existence of numbers and finite answers since I left pre-calculus in college.

Hey, by the way, did you know you can get a math credit for taking Astronomy?

You know why?

Because you have to do math. (Trust me on this, I’m speaking from experience, a very, very, bad experience).

BUT, the piece de resistance of the morning? It has to be this little jewel from a student:

Me: “Okay everybody, tell me what Odysseus’ unhealable wound is.”

Thing 1: “Hey Mrs. Momsense, did you know Sam can whistle through his eyeballs?”

Let’s recap:

  1. AC is praying for intimate pleasure for her fellow elementary school classmates, but it’s all good, because really she thinks she’s praying that they will all have good shoes, grapes at snack, and fun climbing trees at recess, although she was disappointed that there are no palm trees at school. All I can say there is Thank You Lord.
  2. G finds math with numbers and letters difficult, especially when it requires thought. Conclusion: he is his mother’s son.
  3. And finally, Sam can whistle through his eyeballs if ever the need arises.

And all of that was before 8:15 this morning.

Happy Weekend. I’ll put some Sunday Supper up this weekend.

See Y’all!

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4 Comments on Morning Talk Show

  1. Meredith
    November 6, 2009 at 12:06 pm (8 years ago)

    LMAO!

    Reply
  2. tgk
    November 6, 2009 at 1:12 pm (8 years ago)

    Hysterical as usual!! Love it.
    Tiffany : )

    Reply
  3. Brittany Ann
    November 7, 2009 at 5:58 pm (8 years ago)

    holy heaven! The Song of Solomon story had me dying laughing! I sent it along to my friend who is a youth pastor. He called me ASAP in tears laughing!

    Reply
  4. leslie ruth
    November 9, 2009 at 11:03 am (8 years ago)

    It’s the third time I’ve read this and I still am laughing so hard I can’t breathe!

    Reply

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