Look Who’s Wearing the Pants Now

Two years ago Coach and I went to see the Tennessee vs. Arkansas game in Knoxville. A friend we teach with gave us his tickets…on the eigth row.

Y’all.

Y’ALL.

We were so close we could listen to the players talking; we could see facial expressions; we could hear the force of a wolloping hit.

Awe-inspiring I tell you.

We were so close that I paid particular attention to the football pants. I made a comment- actually it was really more of a diatribe- on how football pants made EVERYONE look good- even the big guys.

And by big, I mean globular.

It was then that I became CONVINCED, faithfully convinced, that the football pant cut was the answer to all women’s pant fashion ills. No more worrying about rise and cut and pocket location- turns out the answer was right in front of us all along- the football pant.

Because I’m telling you- those boys looked good, darned good.

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. THEM.

And that’s the backstory.

Now for the rest of the story…

Our high school football team is struggling a bit this year. There are many reasons- we lost 12 starting seniors, we are riddled with injury, we are VERY young, and we’ve moved into a league of play where the other teams are nationally ranked on a regular basis. This year we’ve played in stadiums with sky boxes, played on $1 million+ turf fields, played against teams with NFL coaches- I’m talking SERIOUS competition.

And our little team of average-sized student athletes keep plugging along, and to date they have a 3-4 record which is not terrible, but we had become used to winning.

When you’re used to winning, losing ain’t pretty.

Anyway, two weeks ago we got thumped by my alma mater. 48-6. Yep, thumped. And, it could have been MUCH worse.

So, last week we played another team that was just as talented. They were ranked in the top five nationally sometime recently if I’m not mistaken (which is possible and probably even likely).

It was their homecoming. It was going to be ugly.

On Wednesday of last week one of the senior football players said something about wearing the yellow football pants for the game.

The cursed yellow pants. Seriously, they have lost games against opponents who are the equivalent of the Bad News Bears while wearing the yellow pants. They are CURSED.

So the “No Yellow Pants” campaign began. And I was successful. They wore blue. But not before I told the aforementioned senior that if they beat MBA on Friday night, I’d wear the yellow pants to school. Because….HELLO……we were going to get killed.

It was the safest bet I’d ever made.

We won the game.
We dominated the game.

And today, a 38 year-old woman who has no business wearing tight spandex pants is teaching teenagers in tight spandex pants.

Goldenrod, shiny, tight, spandex pants. I look like Tweety Bird from the waist down.

Well, if Tweety Bird has cellulite.

And just FYI- my earlier statement regarding football pants being the solution to the “do these pants make my butt look big?” dilemma– well,

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Apparently it’s all the weight-lifting and running and tackling and manly football-y things that the football players do that makes them look good in the pants.

AND…

You have no idea– NO IDEA– how difficult it is to make an appropriate shoe choice for an ensemble that features shiny yellow football pants.

And NO- there will be no pictures. Except for the one or three dozen that the yearbook sponsor took to be published and printed in 1200 yearbooks.

See y’all!

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7 Comments on Look Who’s Wearing the Pants Now

  1. leslie ruth
    October 9, 2009 at 1:07 pm (8 years ago)

    Oh, I need pictures. In fact, I *demand* pictures. Tee hee 🙂

    Reply
  2. Joyce
    October 9, 2009 at 2:29 pm (8 years ago)

    Well, congrats on the big win!

    I think including a picture is required when you write a post like that one.

    Reply
  3. Gigi
    October 9, 2009 at 7:42 pm (8 years ago)

    Traci, you owe it to your faithful followers to include a pic of the pants!! I bet they look terrific!!

    Reply
  4. Brittany Ann
    October 9, 2009 at 8:26 pm (8 years ago)

    Oh my, oh my, oh my….it hurts! The laughing! It hurts!

    This is TOO good!

    And as the yearbook sponsor at my high school, I’m not gonna lie…we live for stuff like this! LIVE FOR IT!

    You just made that teacher’s day!

    And mine! I love this story!

    Reply
  5. Deidra
    October 13, 2009 at 12:12 pm (8 years ago)

    And here I was…hoping against hope that you were designing a new line of pants to make us all look like football players from behind. Alas! Good thing you won. Good for the team, I mean!

    Reply
  6. Amanda
    October 18, 2009 at 12:07 am (8 years ago)

    That is priceless!

    Reply

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