I Heart Smokey

The 15 Top Live Animal Mascots in College Sports have been announced.
Guess who’s number 1. Yep- my boy Smokey, a 100% pure-bred Blue Tick Coonhound. This dog can howl louder than 105,000 Vol fans can yell- don’t believe me? Visit Neyland in the fall.
But after the events of this past weekend, I think there is more to his rise to the top than a good howl and dashing good looks. This dog has skills.

Let me explain…


This is my garden on July 1- that would be Wednesday of last week. Do you see the corn in the center? Right next to the green beans?


I grew that corn. Well, technically I guess God grew it with the help of photosynthesis and pollenation and all that jazz, but I helped.


Now you’re thinking- “What’s the deal with the corn? Why is she so excited about corn? And seriously, what’s with all the pictures…of corn?”

The reason it is such a big deal is because everyone who has had a vegetable garden has told me it’s nearly impossible to grow corn- the weather isn’t right, there are insidious worms that kill it before it ever forms the silks, blah, blah, blah.

And clearly, I proved them wrong. I just bought a packet of seeds, stuck them in the ground, watered them, and grew corn. No big deal.

Until…

We found the corn massacred Sunday morning when we arrived home after staying the night in a hotel downtown so we could watch the fireworks and “get away” for our anniversary.

Seething with anger, I told Coach that I had changed my mind about his goal to want to kill a deer with a bow and arrow- I told him to go right ahead…Make. My. Day.

Meanwhile, I plotted to take out a mother rabbit AND her babies with the pellet gun I got Coach for Christmas.
Obviously, mercy is not one of my spiritual gifts. Ironically, hospitality is.

Well, lucky for Bambi and Mama Rabbit that the neighbor came over and looked at the carnage. After we all commented on how it looked like a bunch of somethings came in and played tackle football in my corn, the neighbor said he thought it might be raccoons.

The next day, some “experts” in the coaching office confirmed raccoons.

“Because”, they said, “if it were rabbits or deer, the corn would just be nibbled on, not trampled over or peeled back.”

And certainly not completely devoured as our corn was. Every. Single. Ear

Which led to the conversation I had with Coach about how we needed to get a Coon hound, because it is clearly a necessity as he could howl and rip those treacherous little devils to shreds.

It also led to a discussion- really just a lecture from Coach- on how racoons are very aggressive and dangerous rodents, and that Coon hounds don’t come out of the womb knowing how to fight racoons- they had to be taught, and who did I think was going to train this dog to fight racoons, because “we both know it ain’t gonna be you sister,” and how he would have to endure me crying while said imaginary Coon hound was being trained out back in the bloodsport of racoon hunting.

Needless to say Coach is about as keen on the idea of a third dog as my mom is about Cyndi Lauper’s wardrobe, but I ask you, how can you argue with a dog that garners all sorts of respect from the sporting world?

You really can’t.

All I’m saying is you don’t become the number one live animal mascot in college sports without kicking some serious coon tail.

And I’ve got a few in my back yard playing fast and loose with my Peaches and Cream sweet corn.

So, come on Smokey- Bring It! Go Vols.

Amen.

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6 Comments on I Heart Smokey

  1. leslie ruth
    July 8, 2009 at 7:47 am (9 years ago)

    I can’t wait to read this entire post to my husband. It will make his entire week.

    “All I’m saying is you don’t become the number one live animal mascot in college sports without kicking some serious coon tail.”

    I think UT should make a t-shirt of that quote and the money you make off of it could go towards the training of said coon dog.

    Reply
  2. Brittany Ann
    July 8, 2009 at 8:51 am (9 years ago)

    Teehee! Even as a Gator (sorry, don’t hate me,) I love this post!

    Reply
  3. Melissa
    July 8, 2009 at 11:25 am (9 years ago)

    I didn’t think it was possible but I now hate racoons. And love dogs even more.
    Thank you.

    Reply
  4. Gigi
    July 8, 2009 at 10:49 pm (9 years ago)

    Thank goodness you took pictures of the corn!! Really who would have thought of that and boy was I impressed with the crop!!

    Reply
  5. MiMi Magnolia
    October 9, 2009 at 2:48 pm (8 years ago)

    I know this is an older post but I just have to comment! My hubs and I have a bluetick coonhound- looks like he could be Mr. Smokey’s stunt double. And trust me…he does some serious back yard hunting!

    Reply
  6. Joy
    July 28, 2010 at 10:55 am (7 years ago)

    So I have just stumbled upon your blog from the Southern Mommas website (I just joined) anyways I know this is an old post but I just had to comment seeing as how we just picked corn the other day and found TONS of ears that look just like this! and we have an electric fence around our garden!

    PS live just down the road in the Boro.

    Reply

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