The “irony” of life always amazes me. Last night I read this post over at Kelly’s Korner. I hate reading these kinds of posts for two reasons. One, I hate endings and “the last” of anything, well of most anything. The last bout of a stomach virus or the last credit card bill are really nice “lasts,” but the last trip to the pumpkin patch or the last time your kids call you “momma” before they go to the dreaded “mom” – I hate those. So posts on “lasts” are always bittersweet, and I get more nostalgic than is healthy.

Two, I hate it when someone verbalizes (or puts into print) how shakeable life is and how you never know when the last of something or somebody will shake you to your core.

So, what we know. I have trouble dealing with real life and prefer to deny its existence unless someone makes me abundantly aware of the passing of time by writing a touching blog post. Now, don’t get me wrong. I ADORE Kelly and little Miss Harper. ADORE THEM. And I enjoyed the post; it’s just that those types of posts make me a little sad.

I got an eerie feeling last night; mainly because I’m a little more paranoid than I should be, but I’m paranoid because usually those feelings aren’t “coincidence,” almost every time I get that feeling something happens.

I went to bed repeating to myself last night “I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:13-14) And I woke up calm this morning, because I was fully well ready to trust that the thing I’m really worried about would be handled. No big deal. My heart was a little lighter and I was ready for the day.

Then I got to school this morning and received an e-mail. Turns out the eerie feeling I had last night was spot on (uggh). But it wasn’t anything going on in our house.

Madelyn is 3. She went to the doctor yesterday because she had a fever and some bruising. She has leukemia. We don’t know the type, the stage, or anything else. All we know is it’s leukemia.

I fought tears all through our meeting, talked to her uncle for a little bit, and then just went and cried.

God is the same today as he was yesterday, and he knows how this will play out.

Her parents don’t, and they are not the same as they were yesterday, nor is Madelyn. That’s the hard part. Yesterday was the last time that life was normal for this family. I wonder if they had any idea how very different life would look today; I’m almost sure they didn’t.

The irony of it all is that Madelyn’s mom, her aunt, and I are all supposed to run a half marathon in December that benefits St. Jude Hospital for children. They are a leading research hospital for leukemia in children. I’m sure her mom probably won’t be able to run, because now she’s a participant in a whole new marathon.

And the part that I hate is the helplessness. Aside from praying, there isn’t a thing we can do. Not one stinkin’ thing. I hate that. I really really hate that.

So if you would today, please pray for Madelyn. Pray that the bone marrow tests and spinal taps and all the pricks and pokes she gets today won’t hurt much. Pray for a hopeful diagnosis, pray for strength and wisdom and comfort for her parents, her grandparents, and her aunts and uncles. Pray for wise and aggressive doctors. Pray for peace in the waiting, and pray for a joyful ending to this.

Finally, pray that we all “see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”

See y’all.

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2 Comments on Helpless

  1. Brittany Ann
    October 27, 2009 at 12:47 pm (8 years ago)

    Praying for her and her whole family and support system!

  2. leslie ruth
    October 27, 2009 at 9:12 pm (8 years ago)

    Praying, praying, praying. What an amazing thing that y’all were already planning to do that race in December!


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