And He Says I’m Weird

I’m not allowed to watch The View.

Seriously.  Coach has banned it.  I cannot even begin to tell you how many perfectly good days that show has ruined for me.

Coach would say 87 to be exact.

Anyway- I think most of us know who was on The View last Thursday.

His name rhymes with Nobama.

I couldn’t resist. 

Obama, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, and Joy Behar = television genius (or the first sign of the Apocalypse- it’s hard to tell).

So I was watching it.

Until I started talking at the television- and by talking I was giving it “the what-for” as my grandmother would say.  And then Coach came in and ruined all the fun and put it on ESPN.  He just shook his head and kept on walking to the kitchen.

I continued giving anything that would listen “the what-for.”

To which he just laughed and said, “There’s nobody like you.”

And he’s absolutely right; he should be glad for that.

Because I don’t know many wives who would get up at 3:30 in the morning, put on flip-flops and a headlamp while wearing a t-shirt and underwear, and go outside to flip the breaker so the air would come back on.

Please don’t go there- our AC/Heating unit is the albatross of our lives.  It requires more maintenance than a toddler.

Anyway, I accidentally woke him up when I came back in the bedroom, because I still had the headlamp turned on so I could see.  He asked what I was doing.  I told him I reset the breaker.  Then I turned off the headlamp.

And it became very dark.  So dark I couldn’t see the bed.  So I stood there while waiting for my vision to adjust.  Then he said, “Now what are you doing?”

“I can’t see.”

“No kidding.  Because it’s the middle of the night.  Get in the bed and go to sleep.”

He forgets I don’t do sleep well- I’m afraid I might miss something.  And it turns out, I was missing something- did you know Christie Brinkley has a new jewelry line sold exclusively on QVC?  I sort of idolized her as a child, and now for $19.99 I can have one of her lucite daisy bracelets.

I tell you all that because he called me weird.


And speaking of whatever, he “whatever-ed” me in the car Saturday night.

I had drunk too much Diet Coke and needed to use the restroom.  I told him that.  He didn’t hear me.  A few minutes later I may have been a little overzealous about getting him to stop at a bookstore so I could go.  We had a conversation.

He whatever-ed me.

I rolled my eyes and ran to the restroom.

But, he ended up winning this battle because while I was in the restroom he drank some of my Diet Coke- through my straw nonetheless.

Or so I thought.  (It absolutely grosses me out when anyone eats or drinks after me- seriously, I’d rather eat a worm).

When I got back in the car and took a drink of said Diet Coke the straw was mashed flat.  “I can’t believe you drank my Diet Coke!”

“I didn’t drink your Diet Coke.”

“Yes you did, my straw is flat.  I know you drank it.”

“No”, he said, “I just used the straw to get something out of my teeth.”

And then I went home and washed my mouth with Comet.

The End.

See y’all!

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2 Comments on And He Says I’m Weird

  1. Grateful for Grace
    August 8, 2010 at 2:42 pm (7 years ago)

    Are you married to my husband? Is that possible? Egad. The whole bathroom and straw thing could have been us, except I drink iced tea and he drinks the Diet Coke.

    Cute story.

  2. The Crazy Suburban Mom
    August 9, 2010 at 9:16 am (7 years ago)

    oh I want to like the view, I do… I keep trying. sigh. Maybe someday but then someone drives me crazy and ….sheesh.



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